Maybe Purpose Isn’t Something You Find. Could It Be Something You Choose to Give?

“Purpose is not a luxury of the successful. It is a basic human need — the engine of a meaningful life.” Dr. William Damon (Stanford, purpose research pioneer)

“Purpose isn’t about achievement. It is about engagement — and even a modest sense of purpose can change the trajectory of your health and life.” Dr. Patricia Boyle (Rush Alzheimer’s project)

“Purpose begins the moment we turn our attention from what we want from the world to what we want to contribute to it.” Dr. Kendall Bronk (Claremont Graduate University, purpose scholar)

“Purpose doesn’t wait for clarity. It grows from commitment — from choosing to show up for what you care about before you feel ready.” Dr. Anthony Burrow (Cornell University, purpose & belonging)

“We don’t find purpose by looking within. We find it by looking around — and saying, even quietly, ‘I am here to love this.’” Dr. Emily Esfahani Smith (The Power of Meaning)

I’ve been thinking lately about how maybe we make “purpose” harder than it needs to be — as if it has to be discovered on a mountaintop or delivered by angelic courier. Yet the truest expressions of purpose I’ve ever witnessed have almost always been small, embodied, unmistakably human offerings.

Like my granddaughter — who, after much thought about her birthday, is not asking for a party or a present. Instead, she is asking if John would walk alongside her downtown so she could personally hand her birthday money to people experiencing homelessness.

She wants to look at people in the eye. Offer human dignity. She understood, instinctively, what some of the best research now shows — purpose is always relational. It’s something we step toward, not something we wait for.

Other stories come up for me like the woman a psychiatrist once wrote about; she was completely swallowed by depression though she had plenty of money. Nothing helped. Until one day, the psychiatrist quietly asked her if she had ever cared for anything. She said she used to grow African violets. He suggested she try just one. Weeks later, five. Months later, she was propagating hundreds.

By the time she died, her obituary called her “the African Violet Queen of her county.” That is purpose. Not applause. Not titles. Someone loved something into life again — and in doing so, discovered she still belonged in this world.

My father found his purpose when his body was failing and nearly all mobility was gone. He couldn’t drive. He couldn’t walk well. His mind had softened in places. But he still had a church directory. And a phone. And he decided that what he could do — what he would do — was call people on their birthdays and tell them they mattered. That was enough. In his final season, purpose didn’t diminish — it distilled. It was what people most mentioned and said they would miss at his funeral.

And yesterday, I watched (along with some teens and my younger son, grandson, and John) Soul On Fire, the true story of John O’Leary, who at age nine was burned so severely doctors gave him zero chance of living.

John only survived because others chose to show up — siblings who dragged him out of the burning house, parents whose love refused to let go, a nurse who pushed him through brutal recovery when he couldn’t walk nor could he eat without fingers, Hall of Fame announcer Jack Buck, who visited again and again. That kind of love doesn’t just save your life. It commits you to live differently.

O'Leary grew up and made gratitude his operating system — and purpose his offering to the world. Every breath he has felt like a responsibility — not to achieve, but to honor the grace that allowed him to live.

That is purpose too. A response. Not a performance. BTW, it would be considered a faith-based film and they are getting better and better.  John said he was dehydrated from all the tears he shed throughout the film.  John’s tears are nearly always in response to beautiful acts of kindness. But back to the storyline. Purpose.

Emerging research is finally catching up to these very old truths about purpose.

A recent experiment described in The Washington Post followed Gen Z young adults — anxious, depressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted by both pressure and paralysis — who were given just $400 “to pursue what matters most.” Not a huge dream. Not a 10-year plan. Just a seed. Within weeks, purpose scores rose. Loneliness dropped. Hope went up. Life satisfaction improved. Not from therapy. Not from social media breaks. But from engaging in contribution.

As one participant said, “I didn’t realize how fast your life starts to feel meaningful once you start moving toward what you actually care about.”

That’s the thing: purpose isn’t found through introspection alone. It's found the moment your caring moves from feeling to action.

Psychologists like Kendall Bronk and William Damon have been saying this for years: adolescents — and frankly, all of us — don’t need endless self-esteem messages. They need somewhere to aim their love. Purpose is not self-expression. It is self-transcendence. And it heals.

The Rush Memory and Aging Project found that older adults with purpose not only lived longer — their brains resisted dementia, even when plaques were present. The MIDUS longitudinal study confirmed that a clear sense of purpose predicts lower mortality, lower inflammation, better mental health. Purpose is resilience. Purpose is oxygen.

But the best news? It does not require perfect health, perfect clarity, or perfect timing.

It can look like a youngster handing cash to a man on a blanket so that he is seen and cared about as a fellow human, not pitied.

It can look like tending violets and delivering them to a doorstep.

It can look like dialing phone numbers slowly, trembling, determined, so someone doesn’t feel forgotten today.

It can look like surviving a fire and deciding that the rest of your days will not be about recovery — but service.

It can look like receiving $400 and saying, “Let me begin.”

Purpose is small. Generative. It doesn’t always feel grand. It often feels humble. Quiet. Almost ordinary. And it's contagious.

What can we do with this info?

• Somewhere in your day…perhaps before you go to bed tonight, ask: Who or what is one thing I genuinely care about right now? Not forever. Not theoretically. Right now.

• Then ask: What is one small act — 10 minutes or $10 or a phone call — that would allow me to honor that care this week?

  
  

Do not wait until it feels big. Big is almost always the enemy of beginning. Tell someone, not to brag, but a witness helps purpose take root. In our weekly compassion circle, we share acts of kindness we have witnessed or taken or received to keep us rooted in our purpose.

And — if a child ever asks to give her money to help a cause in some way, hold her hand and let her lead the way.  The world does not need more people trying to prove they matter.

In fact that’s a big takeaway I got from the John O’Leary, Soul on Fire movie, it’s more about noticing what or who is calling you and saying yes to it.  When John was first asked to speak to a small group of girl scouts, he vomited right before his little talk.  His talk was about 30 seconds.  But he kept at it. Now he speaks to packed stadiums.  Even plays Amazing Grace on the piano with the nubs on his fingers.  Impossible not to be morally elevated by that.

John and I met John O’Leary maybe 10 years ago.  I eventually read his book, then subscribed to his blogs.  He continues his message of living every day inspired by living your purpose.

So, if someone offered to give you some money “to pursue what matters most”, what would you do with that money?  What one step can you take today toward what matters? And here’s a hint.  Your purpose always involves engaging with something bigger than yourself.

As I was thinking today (after re-reading the article about GenZ and purpose) about my purpose. I know my purpose is about helping others flourish by offering stories, research, and my own journey including the ups and downs…and it often follows what I call “the way of compassion” because compassion touches on so many valuable good life targets and skills like connection, understanding, caring, courage, engagement, emotional regulation, kindness, strong relationships, collaborating, community, discernment, self awareness, self-control, resilience, meaning and purpose and even promotes wisdom, strength, and gratitude and sometimes awe…at least for me.

Still I do struggle sometimes in feeling like such an imperfect vessel for the work that's needed. I have to shake that off repeatedly (self compassion helps) and land on something I personally can contribute. Remind myself that it does not need to be big.

It helped me to revisit where I was with my purpose right now, today after reading the article.  Especially I noticed how it helped after I had a few moments of stress and cortisol flooding my system when a person seemed to stand in the way of progress on a project I was working on.  After time ill-spent stewing, I reminded myself of my purpose and had the whole situation cleared up in few seconds.

How might we journey together to the Good Life by taking some steps toward what we care about and enjoy a life of purpose and fulfillment and all those other benefits that accompany it?

Now go back and read those beginning quotes again.  I am eager to hear what your purpose is and a step you are taking toward it today.

And this reminds me of a reader who said that instead of a gratitude journal, he keeps a contribution journal. That sounds like a great idea for seeing your purpose right in front of your eyes each day!