“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” Meister Eckhart
Dr. Christopher Peterson tells about complaining to his supervisor. “No one (meaning his patients) ever says thank you for anything I try to do.”
The response from Dr. Peterson’s supervisor, an experienced psychiatrist, stopped him mid-whine. “If they could say that to you, how many of them do you think would be in a psychiatric hospital?”
When I first heard that story, I stopped in my tracks too. Could the ability to feel and express gratitude promote psychological health? Researchers report that indeed gratitude does keep us mentally fit and much more.
Grateful people are more able to achieve their goals, they are more responsive to others’ needs, have more friends, exercise more frequently, are in better physical shape, sleep better, and manage chronic pain better. Couples who become more grateful love each other more and have stronger relationships.
Dr. Murali Doraiswamy, head of biologic psychology at Duke Medical Center, is particularly impressed with the physical effects of gratitude. "If thankfulness were a drug, it would be the world's best-selling product….”
Studies have shown measurable effects on multiple body and brain systems, said Doraiswamy. Those include mood neurotransmitters (serotonin, norepinephrine), reproductive hormones (testosterone), social bonding hormones (oxytocin), cognitive and pleasure related neurotransmitters (dopamine), inflammatory and immune systems (cytokines), stress hormones (cortisol), cardiac and EEG rhythms, blood pressure, and blood sugar.
Gratitude is not only good for adults. There’s been new concern about the well-being of our children, particularly our teens. Grateful kids are more happy, less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol and less likely to have behavior problems at school. Gratitude has been proposed by psychologists as the way to turn our society around.
This shouldn’t be breaking news. All the major religions have been preaching the gratitude message for years. Meister Eckhart, a German theologian and philosopher said, “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice.
The Greek thinkers embraced gratitude. Cicero said that gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.
Universally, we seem to understand that gratefulness is a good thing. So why aren’t we better at it?
According to researchers our brains are more alert to what’s going wrong. It is a challenge to switch our brains around to notice and appreciate what’s going well.
I read a book several years ago about a lawyer, John Kralik, whose life was awful. As he took stock of his life, he realized that he had lost more money than he made. Many clients weren’t paying him for his services. His wife divorced him, he was overweight, and had terrible relationships with his children, he hadn’t had a vacation in years.
Kralik was out on a walk pondering his horrible life when he heard an internal voice which essentially told him that he would never get what he wanted until he appreciated what he had. He was perplexed because as he looked around, he didn’t see anything to be grateful for, but he started working with himself to find the good in his life.
Eventually Kralik wrote 365 thank you notes to people. He wrote thank you notes to the people who did pay their bills, to his daughter’s teacher, to the mediator of his divorce, to the lawyers who referred him clients, to his apartment superintendent for his support among others. Eventually his brain got the idea and started to notice the good stuff in his life.
The guy’s life was transformed, he began truly loving his life and was able to get out of the depression and anxiety that had plagued and ruined his relationships. You can read about it – 365 Days of Thank You Notes: The Year A Simple Act of Daily Gratitude Changed My Life.
How might we purposefully take Thanksgiving day to remind ourselves again of the importance of noticing the good even when life doesn’t seem so good and journey to the Good Life Together?
(I originally wrote this article for The Good Life magazine, but some of you may not subscribe so I am sharing it here today.)
One of the things I have written about often is our negativity bias, it's just a way our brain is wired, we have to take intentional steps to re-wire it. I wrote about that earlier this month in the blog featuring Rueben Mayes, a champion athlete. It takes practice. Another thing we have been doing is using a bucket metaphor which I have also written about earlier. We can fill our own buckets by noticing what is good in our lives. Writing about 5 good things each day is an evidence-based way to fill our bucket by noticing the good in your life. It's also a self-compassion practice recommended by Dr. Kristin Neff, the world's leading authority on self-compassion. AND when gratitude fills our buckets, we have more resources in general to offer others. I hope you will let me know how your gratitude journey goes. Happy Thanksgiving! I am grateful for you who have been willing to journey with me to the good...life.
Here are a few of the people who have done the community meals this year. I am SO grateful for their willingness to spread goodwill and good food.
Cashmere Post Acute Care (Chief Allie) and friends
Angie Pipkin and her family and friends
Chef Ben and the Catholics from Our Lady of The Assumption
The Dryden Improvement Club
Kiwanis Club (and a granddaughter)
Cashmere Community Church and friends
Mid Valley Baptist Church
Seventh Day Adventists. Cathryn is the organizers for all the meal partners throughout the year. Think of it - a meal each week of all sorts of people from all walks of life of different ages and ethnicities. It gives me great joy.
"Holy Rollers" as they call themselves. Clare somehow escaped this pic. They devotedly roll the silverware and napkins for the meal
One of the clean up crews.
Not pictured, Gina and Seth at Stones Gastropub. Also thanks to Chef Ed and Judi Gerber.
And all the hundreds who attended to participate in sharing goodwill and good food.
Still having problems thinking of something you're grateful for? Here are 20 questions to ask yourself and share with friends and family:
What's something small that made you smile today?
What’s something beautiful you’ve noticed in nature lately?
What’s one thing you love about where you live?
What's one thing you're grateful for at your work or school?
What’s a simple pleasure (like your morning coffee or a cozy blanket) that makes your day better?
What’s one thing your body allows you to do that you’re grateful for?
Who’s someone in your life you’re thankful for, and why?
Who’s a friend or family member that has supported you recently?
What's one thing you're proud of accomplishing recently?
What’s one piece of advice you’re thankful you received?
What’s something you’ve learned recently that made your life better?
What's a challenge you overcame that taught you a lesson you’re grateful for?
What’s a meaningful gift you’ve received?
What's a random act of kindness you experienced?
What’s a skill or talent you have that you’re grateful for?
What's a hobby or interest that adds value to your life?
What’s a tradition or holiday that you look forward to?
What’s a place you’ve visited that made you feel happy or inspired?
What’s one thing you’re looking forward to right now?
What's a happy memory that brings you joy?
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