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“The most effective communicators aren’t the people who talk the most. They are the people who are best at understanding what kind of conversation is happening.”— Charles Duhigg, from Supercommunicators One evening, Charles Duhigg came home from work frustrated. Duhigg, a Pulitzer Prize–winning journalist who has written for The New York Times  and authored several books about human behavior, had spent the day struggling with a difficult boss. When he walked through the door

“People are generally better persuaded by the reasons which they have themselves discovered than by those which have come into the mind of others.”  — Blaise Pascal How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change. (Old joke, I use it a lot.) Several days ago one of my granddaughters announced, with the calm confidence only a young person can possess, that she intended to drive about fifteen hours by herself ac

Why empathy, not intimidation, keeps the crown “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”— John Dalberg-Acton “It is much safer to be feared than loved,” wrote Niccolò Machiavelli in The Prince . Nearly five centuries later, Robert Greene revived the same spirit in The 48 Laws of Power : Crush your enemy totally. Conceal your intentions. Keep others in suspended terror. It’s dramatic. It feels strong. It sells. But science tells a very different story.

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." Dale Carnegie In the last blog, I wrote about the Velveteen Rabbit and becoming real. Most of you have read the book. We remember how the Velveteen Rabbit did not become real by striving, impressing, or polishing himself into perfection. He became real because someone loved him — long enough, steadily enough, honestly enou

“Vocation does not come from willfulness. It comes from listening.”— Parker J. Palmer For many years, my father did not like Santa. Nor December. Not even the Christmas season. He was a bit of a Grinch. But not because his heart was two sizes too small. It was something different. He loved Jesus with a steady, serious devotion. He was a minister. He believed Christmas mattered. And because it mattered so much, he felt protective of it. Anything that felt like a distraction

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.  Anaïs Nin I wrote most of this blog in the past, but wanted to re-visit it because first, John and I have just celebrated an anniversary, fifty two years of marriage. It’s a big marker for us.  We lived through several renditions of ourselves along side of each other. Second, because relationships, both struggles and successes are the basis of most all our human problems as well as the primary route to flourishing.  Ver

“We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny.”— Martin Luther King Jr. The air is a bit...

How, exactly, do we resolve dilemmas that tempt us to choose either this or that and instead hold the tension long enough to let a “third...

“We often find that the harder we try to get rid of emotions and thoughts, the stronger they become….” ― Richard C. Schwartz,  No Bad...

"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock." ...

Instead of asking "what's the matter with you?" ask patients "what matters to you?" Dr. Sam Everington, Founding Social Prescribing...

“We’re all going to die, all of us. What a circus! That alone should make us love each other, but it doesn’t.” -Charles Bukowski Maybe...

John and I were discussing the upcoming debates tonight.  John was saying how he was hoping to hear someone take the “high ground.”  I...

You have heard that it was said, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” Do not resist an evildoer.  But if anyone strikes on on the...

We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.  Anaïs Nin About forty years ago I had a quick conversation with a friend.  He...

"Daddy," I whispered, feeling my own breath hitch in my throat, "I love you." Just when I was sure he was asleep, the one corner of his...

"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice."  Bob Marley, singer Last week we were visiting with some...

“We wait for the new year to appear to us like the hopeful sun bringing aspiring light to an eager world” Munia Khan, poet, writer...

Let us temper our criticism with kindness. None of us comes fully equipped. Carl Sagan Two of our granddaughters recently spent the...

"The ode lives upon the ideal, the epic upon the grandiose, the drama upon the real." Victor Hugo If you want a little psychological...