We Are Here To Do One Thing
- drjunedarling1
- Jan 2
- 6 min read
“The greatest gift you can give another person is the gift of your loving presence.”— Henri Nouwen
If there is one truth I have learned after many years of thinking, researching, pondering, living, parenting, grandparenting, befriending, companioning, partnering and especially listening to my husband, John: we are here to love and to be loved. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing hidden beneath it. That is what the spiritual healers and wisdom teachers have told us for thousands of years.
Everything else we spend our lives worrying about—achievement, usefulness, memory, productivity, independence—comes and goes. Love is the work that remains.
As we age, this truth does not fade. It sharpens. What once felt abstract becomes essential. Many older adults carry a quiet sorrow they rarely name. They feel themselves slowing down. They notice changes in memory, strength, energy. Roles that once gave shape to their days fall away. Connections thin. And a painful question begins to whisper: Do I still matter?
The spiritual life answers this question with great gentleness and great firmness. Yes. You matter. Not because of what you can do, but because of who you are. Aging does not remove us from our purpose. It brings us closer to it. When so many layers are stripped away, love is what remains at the center.
Love does not depend on speeding thinking or mental sharpness or physical strength. Love depends on presence.
Let me speak to those who look to Christian examples for help in understanding this concept. Jesus never treated people as useful or useless. He did not rush the slow. He did not bypass the frail. He did not measure people by what they could contribute. Again and again, he stayed. He noticed. He listened. He touched. He loved.
There are seasons in life when we are called to do love—to build, teach, organize, serve. And there are seasons when we are called to be love—to receive, to listen, to bless, to notice, to pray.
Aging often moves us, sometimes gently and sometimes painfully, from doing to being. That shift can feel frightening if we have been taught that worth comes from output. But it is, in fact, a sacred shift.
Your and my presence may now be our greatest gift.
I once knew an older woman named Margaret who lived in an assisted living community. Earlier in her life she had been a teacher—quick-witted, articulate, able to hold a room with ease. As dementia slowly took hold, words became harder to find. Confidence faded. She began to say, again and again, “I don’t know what I’m for anymore. I am ready to go."
Around that same time, a new resident arrived—a man anxious, withdrawn, barely speaking. He held some sort of strange little implement in his hand. During meals, Margaret would quietly move her chair closer to him. She did not try to talk. Sometimes she simply smiled. Sometimes she placed her hand near his. Sometimes she hummed softly, almost without realizing it.
Staff began to notice something. When Margaret was near, the man calmed. He ate more. He stayed longer at the table. His shoulders softened. One afternoon a nurse said to Margaret, “You make him feel safe.”
Margaret looked surprised. After a pause she said, very quietly, “I can still do that.” Yes. She could. And she already was.
Margaret had not lost her purpose. It had simply changed shape.
To love and be loved sounds simple. It is not... particularly in one respect. As we age, love includes one of the hardest spiritual tasks of all: self-compassion.
Many of us are far kinder to others than we are to ourselves. We judge our aging bodies. We criticize our forgetfulness. We feel ashamed of needing help.
We worry about being a burden. Yet self-compassion is not self-pity or indulgence. It is spiritual honesty. It sounds like, Of course this is hard. Of course I am tired. Anyone who has lived this long would feel this way.
Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Not instead of yourself. Not after you have proven your worth. As yourself.
Receiving love—help, care, patience—is not weakness. It is participation in the sacred flow of life. To refuse love is not strength; it is fear dressed up as independence. Love requires both directions. Giving and receiving. Offering and allowing.
Living our true purpose does not require grand gestures or boundless energy. It must be possible even on small, quiet days. There are simple ways to return to love again and again.
We can begin the day by offering ourselves kindness. Before getting out of bed, we can place a hand on our heart and say, May I be gentle with myself today. This small act tells your nervous system and our soul that you are not a problem to fix, but a life to love.
We can offer our presence to one person. A smile. A listening ear. A brief call. A silent prayer. Love does not require more energy than you have. It requires attention and intention.
AND especially...receive love when it appears. Let someone help. Let someone sit with you. Let someone care. Receiving love is not failure. It is faith, faith in those wisdom and spiritual teachers at least.
Scripture speaks with beautiful clarity here: “Beloved, let us love one another, because love is from God… We love because God first loved us.” (1 John 4:7, 19)
We do not do this loving practice to earn God’s or anyone else's approval. We love because we sense the love with a small "l" and the Love with a big "L" that has held us over the years - our friends, family, or even Cosmic Love or Oceanic Love as the mystics sometimes called it. This truth does not weaken with age. It deepens. It ripens. If we let it.
You and I are not here to prove our value. You and I are not here to stay strong at all costs. You and I are not here to outrun aging. You are here to love and to be loved. That has always been the calling. That will always be enough.
May we rest in the reality that we are loved— as Mr. Rogers said to his audience, "I love you just the way you are." Without condition, without hurry, without end. May we offer ourselves the same compassion and grace we so freely give others. May our presence be a quiet shelter in a noisy world. May we release what we can no longer carry. May we receive love in forms both familiar and new. And may we trust that simply by being here—by breathing, noticing, caring—we are fulfilling your deepest purpose.
If the only thing you are here to do is to love and be loved, what might change in how you treat others and especially yourself today?
Now a big and important sidebar which relates to both giving and receiving love. Gratitude, of course. I heard from Toby Johnson who is a 7th grade teacher at Foothills Middle School, where I taught many moons ago. What he wrote is just so very awesome and it covers the spectrum from both giving and receiving love. Here is what he wrote with his permission to share.
Hi June! I have just loved your podcast. It is THE ONLY one that I read on a regular basis. You and John are super amazing people. You messages to world are right on! I particularly like how you tied gratitude to stories and how you shared the distinction between the two. That was really meaningful to me.
I’m also glad that you shared your email in the cast. Many many times I’ve wanted to share back! in the comments but I haven’t gotten it to work. So. This is my opportunity to share a thought or two. Feel free to plug in the comments on your blog.
I love being a middle school teacher. 7th grade is hard and beautiful at the same time. One of the more powerful activities that I repeat every year stems from this video: [I do recommend watching it! June]
[Now here's the incredible thing Toby does with his class!]First, I have the student write a short note to someone they deeply respect telling them precisely why they are so meaningful to them. (I ask students to bring their phones to class this ONE time). Then I show the first part of the video and I stop it when he says we are going to call that person. Oh man you can feel the tension and power in the room. I say who will be the first. Oh man. There isn’t any time more raw and emotional and vulnerable and meaningful than those next 10-15 minutes. Every year it is so powerful. Then we finish the video. That experience often sets our vulnerability climate and sweetness on our class. I thought I’d share that. Thank you for all you do it bring light and love and peace to our world. Toby
And THANK YOU, Toby! I hope others will chime in with your stories of being given gratitude (love) as well. drjunedarling1@gmail.com
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