“There I met my granddaughter for the first time. As I held her, I wanted to give her a gift. Surely I could come up with something very special for my first grandchild. Not the usual stuffed animals and outfits, but something she could use for the rest of her life. She should get a lasting gift from her grandfather. It came to me that I’d like to give her hope.” ― C.R. Snyder, Psychology of Hope: You Can Get Here from There
Imagine yourself in a dark, cave-like labyrinth. You’re searching for a way out, eager to leave behind past struggles and step into a brighter future. What would help you most in this moment? A flashlight to pierce the darkness, a map to navigate the maze, and a belief in your ability to find the exit. These tools are metaphors for something powerful we all need in our lives: hope.
Many people see hope as a fleeting emotion, but it’s actually a way of thinking—a cognitive strategy that can transform uncertainty, even despair, into an opportunity for growth. As C.R. Snyder, the leading researcher in hope theory, discovered, hope is built on two essential components: willpower (the drive to pursue our goals) and waypower (the strategies we develop to reach them). Hope is not passive wishing; it’s an active process of goal-setting and problem-solving, essential as we step into a new year with fresh intentions.
Another way to think about hope is to think of it having three pillars:
1. The pillar of clear goals: Hope starts with having a specific, meaningful goal. It might be a personal resolution like improving your health, enhancing your relationships, or pursuing a career change. Goals act as a map, guiding you through the challenges of the year.
2. The pillar of pathways thinking: Once your goal is clear, hope involves thinking of different paths, different ways to achieve it. For example, if you aim to get fit, your plan might include exercising three times a week, joining a fitness group, or changing your diet. Creating multiple pathways ensures you have options when obstacles arise.
3. The pillar of willpower or agency: Unexpected problems are sure to pop up. You will need determination and commitment and belief that you CAN travel one of the pathways.
Hope also gives you resilience. Let me share Daniel’s story to see how hope works in real life.
Daniel was a skilled carpenter known for his craftsmanship. Last year, Daniel suffered a severe spinal injury that required surgery and months of rehabilitation. He was devastated, filled with fear and uncertainty about his future. It was as if he were trapped in a dark labyrinth, unsure of how to find his way out. He despaired that his life for all intents and purposes was over.
Daniel’s daughter, Brianna, encouraged him to focus on setting a small goal. “Dad,” she said, “What do you want to achieve, even if it’s just a little progress?”
Daniel thought for a moment. “I want to be able to walk without pain,” he said quietly.
“That’s a great start,” Brianna replied. “What’s one small step you can take today to work towards that?”
“I can begin my physical therapy exercises,” Daniel decided.
Each week, Daniel set achievable goals, like walking to the mailbox, then around the block. With each small victory, he felt a shift in his mindset. He realized that while he couldn’t control every aspect of his recovery, he could choose how to approach it. Hope became his guiding light, helping him navigate the tough days and keep sight of his goals.
Daniel’s story illustrates a powerful truth. Hope is a deliberate choice to envision a positive future and work towards it. In contrast, despair, which is processed in the limbic system of the brain, is an emotional response that emerges when we feel overwhelmed and powerless. It’s a reaction to obstacles and failures, leading to feelings of hopelessness.
However, as psychologist Martin Seligman’s concept of learned helplessness explains, despair can be challenged. When we repeatedly face setbacks, we may develop a belief that our efforts don’t matter. But by consciously choosing hope and setting small, achievable goals, we can break this cycle and build resilience.
I have met several people who are amazing examples of high hope. John and I were talking about one today on our walk. This man's son became a quadriplegic due to a neurological disorder. According to the man's wife, he said something like, "Well, we have a choice. We can go down a hole into despair or we can learn how to create hope every day." The man has become one of the most innovative, capable and caring men I have ever met.
To harness hope effectively remember the 3 pillars:
- Start Small: Set realistic, incremental goals. Instead of saying, “I will lose 20 pounds,” focus on, “I will take a daily walk.” Small wins boost your confidence and strengthen your hope.
- Create Multiple Pathways: Have backup plans. If your goal is to spend more time with family, and your original plan doesn’t work out, think of other ways, like scheduling weekly family dinners or game nights.
- Cultivate a Hopeful Mindset: When you face setbacks, remind yourself that obstacles are part of the process. Use hopeful thinking to identify new strategies and keep moving forward.
As we all navigate the inevitable twists and turns of life, remember that hope is your flashlight, your map, and your belief in yourself. It’s a superpower you can choose to embrace, lighting the way to a good life…one filled with growth, resilience, and achieving your goals.
That's what I'm reminding myself of first of all - the choice. The conscious mindset to bring forward willpower and way power toward meaningful goals requires intention and practice like any skill. And, as I think of my progeny and the many challenges they will face as human beings in an unknown future, the resilience they will need; I want one of the gifts I pass down to them to be... how to create hope in their lives no matter what comes their way.
How might we make a choice to bring more hope into our own lives and those who come after us and move up to The Good Life?
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